Discernment in the Strangest Place
In May of 2018 I entered the hospital for open heart surgery. While in the hospital I had four different encounters with individuals that showed me how God wanted me to use my charism in my encounters to help others come to him. I had brought with me to the Hospital a small wooden crucifix and my Bible. These were placed on the stand next to the bed and it was through these sacramentals that these encounters were initiated.
My first encounter was with an aide, a gentleman in his late fifties who was emptying the trash. He came in, greetings were exchanged and then I saw him catch sight of the crucifix. He immediately engaged me in a conversation about his love of Jesus and the meaning of Jesus in his life. He spoke to me of the difficulty he sometimes had with family and friends in living that relationship with Jesus. He then spoke of the joy and comfort of the relationship in his life. He ended the encounter thanking me for listening to him, telling me that our talk made him feel better and wished me, not good health, but peace.
My second encounter was with a 21 year old nurse’s aide who cared for me for two days. She was recently married and came from a Arab culture. She was worried about the nature of her relationship with her Husband and how it had changed since they had married. She was worried about her husband’s plans to open a restaurant. She talked at length about her life as a modern Arab woman, living in a traditional Arab marriage and how all of that was affecting her life. She initiated the conversation with a comment about how at peace I looked despite the physical problems I was experiencing. Over the course of two days we talked, we walked and on her last day with me she let me know how helpful this had all been for her, how much better she felt and how much more confident she was going forward. I could both sense and actually see a burden had been lifted and that she had somehow become empowered with an inner confidence and calm.
My third encounter was with a young nurses assistant late one evening. This gentleman was an immigrant to this country, was in his early 30’s, single, working a full time job, and going to school full time studying pre med. I still vividly remember his coming into my room to check my blood pressure, watching his eyes catch sight of the crucifix and we were off. He unloaded stories of his personal life, his dreams going forward and how his faith helped him along. He had the typical fears and apprehensions of a young man trying to make sense out of everything. In this encounter he was able to talk about all of this, verbalize it and it appeared that as a result of this encounter he walked away a much calmer determined individual. As with the first two encounters he left thanking me and appeared to be at peace.
Finally, there was Metz, a fifty year old nurse from the Philippines who cared for me for two days. On the second day, Metz after commenting on my Bible lying on the stand went on about his life as a Catholic in the Philippines, his life as a Catholic here in the States and how his living his life as a Catholic caused many in his circle of friends to engage him in conversations about the Church, both defending and tearing down the Church. Metz let it be know that he was having an internal struggle with all of this, being very comfortable in the Catholic cultural faith that he had been raised in. He was struggling with the need to dig deeper into his Faith and what this would mean in his life with his family, his friends and his retirement plans. Ole Metz just sat in that chair for 45 minutes going on and on. At the end of the encounter it appeared that Metz was able to resolve some of this in his head, and ended the encounter with a thank you, letting me know how much better he felt and left.
How These Encounters Touched Me
What amazed me about all four of these encounters was the following:
- In all four encounters, I was not primarily engaged in what was happening. I cannot tell you anything I said.
- In all four encounters I felt I was outside of the room looking in as these individuals spoke with me.
- In all four of the encounters, I was struck with the personal struggles each of these individuals were having and more importantly that as a result of the encounter how each of them appeared to walk away, healed, energized.
- I was struck with the willingness of all four to open up to me the intimate details of their lives and struggles.
The night after the last encounter I was lying sleepless in bed. I decided that this was a good time to talk with God and see what he had to say about all of this. I tried my best to be silent, to remove all distractions from my mind and let God speak to me. Immediately and I mean immediately my mind was turned to each of these four encounters. I attempted to put them aside and tried to listen to God and what he had to say. What I got was these four encounters played out for me once again in an almost in your face manner.
I now know God can be lovingly sarcastic. I have been bumbling and stumbling along, looking for direction, but not really looking or listening. I do believe God decided to get my attention and used my physical maladies as a channel of his grace to me and to speak to me through these encounters.
When I got out of the hospital I spoke to my Spiritual Director about all of this. She pointed me to the realization that through these encounters God was helping me to see the Charisms he had given. I had spent so much time thinking I knew what I was good at, without allowing God to move me. These encounters helped me to discern a Charism of Encouragement, one I hope this post will be on you.
As I move forward, these experiences have helped me to understand what Jesus meant when he told me to “Go and make disciples of all men.” He meant for me to accept the invitation of the Father to accept his son as the conduit of his love for me. He asks me to use this love to draw all I encounter to him. Discipleship is about making every encounter we have an invitation to share in Jesus’ message of self sacrificing love. Every encounter we have should have a positive effect on the person we are encountering. It may be a thank you for making a stranger smile. It may be a question of what does that person have that I do not? It may be the unconscious planting of a small seed of God’s love that will flower in the future. The essence of each encounter needs for me to use the love bestowed on me through my relationship with Jesus to present myself in such a manner that I invite another to be loved and to use the love flowing between us to move together to our next encounters. Discipleship is truly about Encountering others in Love.